Point out the different types of abuse
Help your friend recognize that abuse is more than getting shoved or slapped; abuse can be emotional, financial, verbal, physical or sexual. Let your friend know that abuse hurts more over time and won’t stop on its own. Tell them that the violence is not their fault; it’s the abuser that is choosing to act in an abusive manner.

Express your concerns
Let your friend know that you are glad they confided in you and you are sorry this is happening. Help them see that changing their own behavior will not stop the abuse.

Be accepting
Understand that there are both good and bad times in your friend’s relationship. Even if you do not agree with their decision to stay in the relationship, hold back from telling them they are wrong.

Support your friend’s strengths
Abusers often put down or ridicule their partner, so it’s important to point out your friend’s strengths. Encourage them to take time for themselves and spend time with people who support them.

Work on a safety plan
Help your friend think of ways to increase their safety. Offer to walk with them to and from school or between classes. Encourage them to tell other friends so they can help. See page 19 for local resources that can offer additional support.

Be concerned about your own safety
Know that helping someone in an abusive relationship may also put you at risk.

Reach out to an adult for help
Encourage your friend to find someone, such as a teacher, counselor or relative, to talk to about the abuse. Crisis lines are answered 24-hours a day and you don’t have to give your name. Offer to go with your friend or make the first call for them.

Talk to the abusive partner
If you feel safe doing this, tell the abuser that you know what’s going on and you want it to stop. Refuse to accept their excuses for the abuse. Let them know you are still their friend, but their behavior is unacceptable.

Be there, listen and stay there
You may feel like a broken record, but keep supporting your friend; they need to know you are standing beside them. If they are ready to end the relationship, increase your support and encourage them to seek professional help. It takes time to get over any relationship, especially one that is abusive. Help them resist the pressure to get back together.

Keep educating yourself
Check your local library for books, web sites and other materials to continue educating yourself on dating violence